I've learnt that in times of stress and panic your friends are the ones who are there for you, who understand and who keep you calm. I've learnt that life comes full circle - his middle name is Matthew after my eldest son who died 27 years ago this month. He looks like Matthew and it broke my heart to see him the first time but in a good way - he already has his own personality and is a person in his own right but he has a history too and is surrounded by those who love him.
If you look at the picture above you will see that he does not have a right hand and only half a right arm - this doesn't make us love him any less - it makes him more special and us more determined than ever that he can be anything he wants to be.
Those of you who know me know that my mum has Alzheimer's disease and is deteriorating rapidly. She has been hospitalised twice in the last month. The first time kicking and screaming that she wanted to go home, three weeks later, actually thinking she was still at home and ordering us to go into the kitchen and fetch biscuits.She has no idea that Thomas has been born nor will he ever know his great grandmother as the person she really is. She is challenging to deal with and the joy that Thomas brings is balanced by this. I have changed 'nappies' for both this week.
I have learnt that my role in life is to provide the 'pile cream' by that I mean I don't provide the glitz and glamour - I'm the steady one, the sensible grandma that they ring to bath him for the first time (honoured!) and to collect the creams and lotions that my daughter in law needed. I'm glad that's my role, I love being needed, I'm fortunate to be surrounded by loving brother, nephews, niece, cousins and spouses, great nephew, as well as a whole host of amazing friends.
I'm hoping that the anniversary of Matthew's death will be easier this year - he will never be forgotten but there is more peace than there was.
You will be seeing a lot more of this young man as we learn together
Love you Grandma J x