Dementia Diaries update

Today marked a turning point for us as a family. Mum is in the later stages of Alzheimer’s and we finally had to move her to a residential care home. Dad is 80 and not physically capable of looking after mum anymore. She can no longer do anything for herself including standing up, feeding herself or making decisions of any kind.  Dad is emotionally exhausted and cries constantly.

The decision wasn’t taken lightly and was difficult to implement but had to be done. The home is clean and comfortable, the staff friendly and efficient but I wasn’t quite ready to be discussing ‘Do not resuscitate’ orders alongside giving permission for a ‘ safety gate’ to be applied to her room.

My brother and I struggled to hold it together whilst dad cried, mum became agitated and asked to be taken home, other residents wandered, shouted, played with dolls, argued – the whole of life is here.

I saw suffering last week in Kakuma refugee camp, I saw suffering this morning in a dementia care unit in Barnsley. Everyone has their pain – remember that and be kind to people, do what you can. My grandmother always said ‘A little bit of help is worth a lot of pity.’ Do what you can to make life easier for others, sometimes your help is the one thing that will make a difference to another person.

Dementia diaries Feb 2015

Yesterday I read an article about 'rushing woman syndrome' and think maybe I have far too many of the symptoms - shallow breathing, insomnia, covered in bruises from bumping into things, constant guilt ... It didn't help me though as I live with the constant stress of trying to keep everyone happy and rarely succeeding.
I spent the afternoon looking after mum 78, suffering from Alzheimer's and rarely moving from her chair. A few hours also saw me with the light of my life my grandson Tommy who is a 6 month old bundle of energy and joy, as well as trying to produce 300 tags go take to Kenya in 2 weeks time!
All was going well mum was responsive and actually put her arms out to hold Tommy at one point. It did however deteriorate when Adam ( my son) arrived and she didn't know who he was. She then panicked and said ' I don't know how I'm going to get home, my husband doesn't know I'm here' - plunged back into despair, she didn't know where she was and obviously didn't know who I was either. ' have you seen Jim at all?' Confirmed that for me - I sat on the floor making tags whilst she just stared at me. You have to shut down your feelings otherwise the panic is overwhelming. Mum can no longer have a bath at hone even with 2 carers and bath aids, she has to go to the local care home. She is going into respite on a regular basis and I worry that she is no longer safe at home.
It feels strange to watch someone so close to you deteriorate on an almost daily basis, you have to become thick skinned and resilient, take the glimmers of hope when offered and avoid thinking too deeply as it just hurts x